“Superfluity Does Not Vitiate!”
♪♬ Call any vegetable / And the chances are good
That the vegetable will respond to you
Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabaga, Rutabay-y-y-y-y ♪♬
“Call Any Vegetable” by Frank Zappa (Mothers of Invention)
EAT A VEGETABLE: GO TO JAIL
Death by Spinach. So some subtitled headlines reporting the relatively recent and horrific e-coli mini-epidemic nurtured and spread by tainted leafy greens. Now comes a case which might make you further re-think the (oft touted) positive effects of La Vie Végétarienne.
Los Angeles. Mid-winter. Mid-morning. Probation officer Mark Anthony Young was “driving his truck to the gym, wearing workout clothes and enjoying a snack of broccoli and tomato.” Sheriff’s Deputy Richard Wells pulled Young over for not wearing his seatbelt. Young couldn’t immediately find his vehicle registration, but soon did, and carried “the registration and his vegetables” to Deputy Well’s motorcycle.
“[J]ust have a seat in ... [your] truck,”said Wells.
“I don’t feel like sitting in my truck, man,” Young responded.
Young sat down on the “sidewalk curb, and resumed eating his broccoli.”
More words were exchanged, some of which apparently weren’t to the deputy’s liking (or maybe it was just the %#$@&% broccoli), because Deputy Wells pepper sprayed Young, then smacked him around with his baton because he believed Young “was about to throw the broccoli at [him] in order to cause a distraction before assaulting him.”
Young sued claiming excessive force under the Fourth Amendment, false imprisonment and negligence. The deputy prevailed in District Court per summary judgment but the appellate court reversed in part, affirming only as to the false imprisonment claim and remanding the other two. Young v. County of Los Angeles (2011) U.S. Court of Appeals, Ninth Cir. No. 09-56372.
SNAKE—I MEAN VEGETABLE—OIL ANYONE?
Adolphus Hohensee and Donald Kenneth Smith were convicted of conspiracy to cheat and defraud based on proclamations of reputed disease panaceas made during health lectures held in the Continental Room of the San
Diego Hotel. They asserted that, “a twenty-eight day diet of onion and water will eliminate arthritis [and] hardening of the arteries ... a diet of apple juice and olive oil will eliminate gall stones; ‘Elixir of the Gods’ (honey) will eliminate arthritis, cleanse the heart of moucous [sic] and pus ...” They appealed. They lost. People v. Hohensee (1967) 251 Cal.App.2d 193.
YOU SAY TOE-MAY-TOE, I SAY TOE-MAW-TOE
Almost a 120 years ago the United States Supreme Court addressed the age old question of whether a tomato is a vegetable or a fruit; and answered: “Botanically speaking, tomatoes are the fruit of a vine, just as are cucumbers, squashes, beans, and peas. But in the common language of the people, whether sellers or consumers of provisions, all these are vegetables which are grown in kitchen gardens, and which, whether eaten cooked or raw, are, like potatoes, carrots, parsnips, turnips, beets, cauliflower, cabbage, celery, and lettuce, usually served at dinner in, with, or after the soup, fish, or meats which constitute the principal part of the repast, and not, like fruits generally, as dessert.” Nix v. Hedden (1893) 149 U.S. 304.
IT'S HARD TO MAKE VEGGIES INTRIGUING, BUT
Richard Brautigan (probably best known for Trout Fishing in America) gave it a good shot —
Three crates of Private Eye Lettuce,
the name and drawing of a detective
with magnifying glass on the sides
of the crates of lettuce,
form a great cross in man’s imagination
and his desire to name
the objects of this world
I think I’ll call this place Golgatha
and have some salad for dinner.
☆☆☆☆☆
John S. Spencer
SPENCER LAW FIRM
217 Second St. Sausalito CA 94965
PO Box 2300 Sausalito CA 94966 (mail)
415-331-2400
877-999-5200 (toll free)
johnspencer@spenlaw.com
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